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🤮 1/5 - Hilarious parody
By 👻 @LambieLondon, 08/16/2019 3:00 am
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The worst food I have ever eaten. I would not eat it if it were free, so you can imagine how painful it must’ve been to be charged $450 for the “pleasure” of dining here.
Let’s start with the drinks. The cocktails had no sugar whatsoever in them. I don’t like sugar but this was extreme even by my standards.
The waiter then brought out a basket containing 2 corn cobs, 4 tomatoes and 8 figs. They said the produce was local and this would be our dinner tonight. And it was. Literally.
The first few dishes were variations of plain boiled rice with fried bits of corn and broth, LOTS of broth served chilled or hot. Rationale here must’ve been to bloat your stomach to prepare you for the insubstantial “main” dishes that followed.
The main consisted of tiny pieces of boiled vegetables with no seasoning arranged beautifully on some green leaves. Some of it was truly inedible, like the raw bitter melon.
I forgot to mention the tomato which has glowing reviews in the New York Times. I thought it was a palate cleanser as it came out looking like sorbet and was served with a spoon. It was a cold, whole peeled tomato like the ones you can get in a can. It tasted like water. You can maybe get away with this dish in Italy where the produce is amazing but a tomato from New York? No flavour and it was probably contaminated with New York garbage fumes!
By the time the “star” dish came out my friends and I were laughing uncontrollably. It was soba served in cold water and a mountain of grated radish with slices of lemon floating on top. Like the lemon water you would use to rinse off your hands at a spa. We just laughed and laughed at how we ended up here. Lured by the Michelin star rating, maybe we deserved it for being rich and obnoxious. This experience was a powerful reminder to not blindly follow the critics.
The dessert was a blob of red bean paste which was so sweet, the complete opposite of the drinks, accompanied by a plain communion type wafer. Totally unsatisfying.
I am so confused by the positive reviews. The only explanation I can think of is that other patrons were served in a different space time dimension.
In summary:
Food - 1/5
Service - 3/5 English was not good and hard to understand 80 percent of what was being said but in the end it didn’t matter as you were either eating boiled or fried corn
Ambience - 2/5 clean
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